STORY ABOUT A BOY NAMED JON

"But I have Alopecia, I am bald, who is going to want me?"

I hear this concern time and time again from basically every girl who has ever reached out to me for advice.

They think that no one will be interesting in dating them, or want them, or be attracted to them.

Do I tell them I have alopecia? When do I tell them? How do I tell them? I can help answer all of those eventually but first let me say this..

If a guy does not want to date you because you do not have hair... he does not deserve your time, energy or affection. PERIOD.

He is most likely one or all of the following : Immature, insecure, shallow, a boy, and honestly just inexperienced in life.  If he runs and hides because you don't have hair.. how the hell is he going to handle any real shit that tends to happen in this game we call life.

I look at my Alopecia as a ‘weed out’ factor for all of the losers who are not serious about being a good partner to anyone anyways. I have seen so many of my friends date shallow dirt bags and I am just like ,, 'huh, you know what, I am lucky, I am glad I have alopecia, keeps away the assholes’

I would like to preface this story with the fact that every single other guy I have dated or met has never had an issue with me having no hair, whether I met him bald or had to tell him later. You can read about that next HERE

So, here is a story about a boy named Jon...

Oh Jon, you little shit.

I met Jon, while wearing a wig, and we hit it off. He was cool and interesting, he played tennis and was well traveled, he was a school psychologist for elementary schools. He mainly dealt with children who had learning disabilities and mental illness. I remember him telling me on our first date "Today I had to tell a parent their child was not suffering from a learning disability, but was actually mentally ill." He felt horrible about it, as any normal human would be. I thought to myself ‘okay now here is a guy who has seen some real stuff, who can appreciate life for what it is,  who will not be side tracked by something so immaterial as a girl having no hair.’ I made the assumption alopecia wouldn’t matter to him, and we were having so much fun I just never remembered to bring up the fact I had no hair.

Normally the guy either knew or I would tell him fairly quickly. I do not know why I let it slide to the like 5th date before I found the time to tell Jon. It wasn’t that I was scared, or putting it off, I just didn’t really think about it and never made it a priority, that had never happened before and I will probably never do this again.

Jon texted me ALL of the time, he had told me how much he liked me, how much fun he was having with me, how great I was, and kept asking me out. So like 5th or 6th date rolls around and I tell Jon. I gave him the same short spiel I have given to friends, family, strangers, etc 1000 times before.

He said 'all the right things’ but I could tell. I could tell it in his eyes, I could tell it in his body language..

I could just tell.

When I left that night we hugged and kissed goodbye and I knew that would be the last time I ever saw him.

I got into the Uber home and TEARS. Cue the tears. Holy freaking tears. I am not really sure what came over me or where all of those tears came from. They caught me pretty off guard. I cried my eyes out that whole way home all the way up into my room. My poor Uber driver (totally not the last time I would cry my eyes out in the back of an Uber.) I was not crying because I would not see Jon again, I wasn’t really crying about Jon specifically at all, he was cool and I liked him but I was not heart broken about him. I think I was crying because I was so sad that that could actually happen. That someones opinion of me and attraction to me could change simply because I did not have hair.

I was disappointed in myself, for 1. Not telling him earlier. 2. Letting myself get as far as a 5th date with someone like that, how had I misjudged a persons character that much?? I blamed myself. Then I got upset that I was upset. It really bothers me when I get upset over my alopecia, mostly because I pride myself on being so okay with it, and because it rarely happens. But then I remind myself that its okay, I am human, I am allowed to get upset about it sometimes, as long as I pick myself back up.

So I let myself cry, and the next day was a new day.

The next day, I did not get the constant stream of texts I would normally get from Jon. I was not surprised. The whole day went by in silence. I had talked to him everyday for weeks, even every day over an Ireland trip with my sister.

I couldn’t help myself. I was so curious. I texted him a couple days later. It was all small talk and he was super short. I thought, I am not letting him get away with this without asking him about it. I wish I still had the text messages. I was really nice about it and asked something along the lines of ‘So I take it the lack of hair on my head was a little too much for you?’ He then proceeded to not deny that and basically said ‘I think you are a really great person, I’m sorry’ and I then went on to speak my mind, in the nicest way possible. I remember making a very conscious effort to not say anything cruel like ‘That is really shallow of you’. I said my piece and simply stated that it had never effected any of my previous relationships and I surely was not going to let it get to me, and to take care. Looking back I almost wish I would have really gave it to him. But I figured kill em' with kindness.

I could not believe that someone whose career revolved around struggle and real life obstacles let something as stupid as hair change his entire opinion of a person. It made me disappointed in people for a minute. But then I remembered..

Jon is not everyone.

I remember thinking that I bet Jon feels really really terrible about how he handled that, and has thought about it and learned from it since. But I have no idea, I never spoke to him. My mother said ‘I bet you hear from him one day when you least expect it, something will happen in his life to where he realizes he should have been a man about that and he will apologize’ I looked at her and said 'you know what.. with this one, I just do not think that will be the case. I will never hear from him again’.

I was right.

I want to thank Jon though. I do not think Jon is a bad guy, I think he just panicked and ran and hid. Going through that made me stronger. It made me realize my worth, and to not ever let anyone take that from me, what I deserve. He made me realize how strong I really am. And some how he made me not afraid to tell men in the future. Because I know now, that if they cannot handle that, they cannot handle a real relationship... (or any of the other crazy things I do). If they cannot handle the fact that I do not have hair, how are they going to handle any other small curve balls life throws their way, or our way. I dodged a bullet with Jon. Which brings me back to my original point, Alopecia = weed out factor.

While I wish I would have weeded out Jon date 1 or 2 instead of 5 or 6. I still was able to say good riddance before any real feelings came into the picture.

Jon, wherever you are, I hope life has been good to you, and I hope you continue to help all of those children everyday, and I hope one day when you have a daughter of your own, she has long beautiful hair and meets someone with a good soul that treats her just the way every girl should be treated, with love and respect.

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