SHES BACK

(This blog was written in December of 2022.. finally posted April 2024)

My mind races every night my head meets the pillow.

With life, work, regret, decisions to be made, self evaluation.. am I making the right choices? Am I doing enough? Am I placing value on the correct things? Do I care too much about caring too much? Where does my drive come from? Does my self doubt fuel my successes.. and if so.. are they really successes? Can I even take credit for them?

Perhaps better summed up as .. What is the meaning of life?!

Each night, these thoughts fade in and out, until somewhere along the lines I fade into sleep.

Tonight, I expected no different. Torture by my racing mind followed by drifting into sleep..

Instead I’m here, writing this.

With my head on the pillow, a sudden rush came over me, and all at once, it became vividly clear, she has to come back.

It’s time.

I’ve thought about it many times, revisiting the blog. I’ve certainly heard about it from others (besides my mom I swear), the thought had always been there, just never the true desire.

Tonight, well.. the desire showed up, so... so did I.

Did not expect we'd be here when my head hit the pillow tonight, yet here we are.

Kinda love that

The unexpected is all I ever expect now . This I’ve learned.

Where have I been?

Dude, PLACES.

Maybe not Indonesia, or Argentina, Scotland or those type of places. But PLACES.

Freedom, a summer with friends, months with my sister, a pandemic, a permanent residence in Florida (what?), a business owner (double what??), a historic hurricane, professional photography, and… to the alter.

I married this guy, with the beard.

His name is Tim.

He is a New England native who transplanted to Florida in search of sunshine. He’s actually the nicest person you’ve ever met, loves all the same things I do, makes me laugh because he’s ridiculous, and worships me and all my imperfections.

We love him and we’ll keep him 😊

Florida is my home.

I came down to Florida November of 2019 to live with my parents for the winter while I ‘figured my life out’ and worked a remote job. With Florida, It was a near instant .. “This is home” for me. The water, the beaches, the sunsets, the tropical climate, year round sun and the laid back vibe PLUS my parents?

I was feeling it.

Then two weeks later I met Tim.

Yeah, l’ll stay.

Loving Flordia caught me off guard, but looking back not quite sure how. It all adds up. Spending two years in beautiful, scenic, sunny places makes it inconceivable to ever imagine an existence without the life year round sun provides you. And the ocean to ground you, reminding you how small of a space you take up in the world.

Florida effortlessly became my home.

Life’s funny like that.. All snapping into place and shit when you least expect it to.

Traveling solo, that time, was such a gift.

I’ll forever be wrapping my mind around how it altered my life or put things into perspective for me. It’s all so hard to decipher. So much feels like a blur, yet the lessons are still constantly integrating into my everyday life. The processing doesn't happen all at once, its the gift that keeps on giving.

It's gifted me appreciation, importance, reflection, space, realization, heartbreak and happiness.

Truly, it changed everything.

All the sudden I came out the other side a different person, yet I am a different person now than when I arrived back near THREE years ago. Life’s a ride, we’re always changing. Change is the only constant, you can welcome it or you can fight it. Change presents opportunity for meaning, and meaning creates purpose, and purpose gifts us happiness. Therefore change = happiness.

I’m a photographer now.

Still feels weird to say. Imposter syndrome in full effect. But I am. I have my own little business, I have paying clients, I’m in love with my craft and obsessed with the process and refining it. I photograph families, couples and portraits in a lifestyle manner. Meaning, as they are, or would be even without a camera around. The joy and connection it brings me reminds me of the joy and connection I felt traveling.

AND recently.. real estate photography and media too! With my husband! We launched it together and Tim is lead operator of our company, Three Palms Media. In addition, we both have full time jobs and are very much so the busiest we’ve each ever been. And I’ve never felt so good. The reward fuels the drive.

I day dream all the time about the countries we will travel.

And I know, with certainty, the day will come again when it’s time to pack a backpack or camper and leave stationary life behind for uninhibited adventure and endless possibilities.

But right now it’s about building a life at home... a whole other set of endless possibilities.

Building a life as a wife with my teammate, working to lay a foundation upon which all the years and adventure to come may stand on. When I look back on my life it reads like chapters, each unique from the next. I love the chapter I am in, a foundation building chapter.

And it’s a damn good place to be . .

This blog will continue to be about the bald girl in a big world. Facing all life’s little lessons, figuring it out along the way, and attempting through it all, to always remain fearless.

All of this just poured out of me onto a tiny dimmed iPhone screen at 1am on a Tuesday. And just like that, the blog is re born.

Ain’t life funny?